Bending the Truth

Necessary vs. Amusing

                Now we have all grown up being taught or at least hopefully being taught it’s generally frowned upon to lie. Whether it’s fibbing about skipping class or all out telling your mom you were not smoking marijuana last night it’s never a great idea to lie.  Usually such phrases as “It always comes back to haunt you in the end” and “What goes around comes around” are tossed about. We could go on and on listing famous sayings and quotes concerning the matter of lying. There is a very clear distinction between lying and bending the truth.  Lying can hurt your friendships, your relationships, even your own self if you get into the habit.   That’s why we don’t lie. We bend the truth.  We believe bending the truth is not only necessary at times, but also highly amusing as well.   When one bends the truth no real harm is inflicted on either party. No one loses sleep or feels slighted after the interaction. Deciphering the difference can sometimes be tricky but more times than not you can usually tell.  When in doubt just remember the highly popular, highly inspirational words of wisdom, “what would Nick and Alex do?”  After reading some of our short stories below we believe you will be able to see why it is fun, and sometimes necessary to bend the truth in certain situations.

Amusing

"I have a glass eye"

(Alex)

Now before I begin this fairly short but exhilarating (for me anyway) tale I would first like to say that I do not find it funny to have a missing eye, or any limb, or other disability. With that being said I shall continue.  I was at a small get together last year before heading to the bars for the night and we were playing quarters and having a nice relaxing time. I glance over to the side and see a small group of very attractive females, my age, my type.  I initiate conversation and its going semi-fine (she wasn’t interested) when a great idea came into my head. “Tell her you have a glass eye” So at some point in the conversation I slip in the undeniable fact that I have a glass eye and she shouldn’t be mean to me because of it.  Now she wasn’t buying it at first but I stuck to my guns and persisted.  I continued staring deeply into her eyes and I could tell she was staring back into my eye.  I perceived she still wasn’t buying it so I offered to remove it and have her hold it. At this point I think I won her over and I could tell she was starting to feel badly for doubting me and my glass eye. (Now to take a moment to boast, this girl was extremely attractive, I had never met her before and my opening line had something to do with me have one eye… I think a pat on the back is well deserved for this feat.) I suppose in my heart I knew nothing was going to come from this bending of the truth, yet I thought it would be extremely fun to try and pull such an outrageous attempt.   Unfortunately nothing materialized with this unknown beauty and my friends and I left the house and went on to cause further mischief into the night.

                                             “I’m President Cordova’s son”

(Alex)

              Now for those of you who don’t know, President France A. Cordova is Purdue University’s president. She makes well into the six figures, attended Stanford University, was born in France and happens to be my mother… at least that’s what I like to tell people from time to time.  My favorite pastime over the last year has been to convince people that I am in fact the president’s son. I don’t do this because it always works, or because people take pictures with me (that has happened) or because people buy me drinks… I do this because it’s extremely fun and always a challenge to see how well you can sell a completely false and foreign fabrication.  I’m an extremely competitive person, and to me, convincing someone you are a “famous” person’s son is a challenge, a goal, and ultimately it’s not hurting anyone, so let the games begin.

Now right off the bat it’s hard to convince someone I am her son. Right around 95% of people think I am lying.   I start off by talking about where she is traveling this weekend which usually results in someone either overhearing me and asking, “are you really her son”, or staring at me in deep bewilderment. Usually I have to be well dressed and have a sound game plan.  Having a solid smile and look of confidence will go a long way I have learned.  When people begin to doubt me I usually start spitting out facts such as where she was born, birthday, university attended, etc.  Most of the time these facts are not facts at all, but if you can say them with conviction, most people will buy into it, at least partially anyway.  At this point I have officially become Alex Cordova. Now most people will pull the same old trick time after time. They usually request to see my license, which obviously reads Alex Dehr.  That’s fine. I’m prepared for that. “My mom didn’t take my dad’s name, for obvious reasons.” That is usually my reply or at least something close to that. Most people have no idea what her husband’s name is. If you can tell me off the top of your head, a beer is in your future, courtesy of Alex Cordova.   Now in reality Mrs. Cordova really didn’t take her husband’s name so this does make my story somewhat more believable.  Sometimes this works, like the time a few ladies requested to take a picture with me, (a request I obviously granted) Then again, sometimes it doesn’t.  Usually depends on how I respond to their questions.   Ultimately engaging in this little venture of bending the truth really doesn’t hurt anyone and for that reason alone I find worth and amusement in it.

                                                         Necessary

(Nick)

Much like most men of the college age, I have spent my share of nights in the bars. Now while there I do mostly two activities drink and flirt with women.  I like to think I am skillful enough to not totally ruin a woman’s evening with my talking. I remember one such evening when I eventually got around to chatting a fine lady up, I must say my conversation was not too appalling because it must of lasted fifteen minutes. Eventually it got to the moment when she wanted to know “what my major is”. I must say I hate this question and always toy with how to respond. This time of course I decided on truth.  “I am in nuclear engineering.”  Barely before I finish uttering those words, she gets up and vanishes. I have now learned my lesson, at bars your major is never the truth or at least mines not. “I am in management.”

 Now my work often takes me gallivanting to the great state of Pennsylvania, specifically the Pittsburgh area. One weekend evening some of my friends and I from work went out to the bowling alley. The main cashier was a damsel. I use the word damsel for the simple reason that she was a beautiful lady seemingly out of place in such a dump. The moment came which I feared. “ What size shoe do you need?” she asked with a hint of pout behind the lips. Do I respond with the true size or uncomfortably bowl the rest of the evening. I decide to proceed with the actual size and the hint of pout becomes a snicker. My friends are laughing. She asks hesitantly “Really?”  “Yes” in the sternest of manners.  Without being coarse I am sure my dilemma is quite apparent. Unfortunately, in
today’s lewd society there is a misleading connotation with shoe size. Thus I am whatever shoe size you want missy. 

and Suit Night was born…

For the most part it is discouraged and looked down upon for guys to dress up too much when going to the bars.  So like all standards or norms Dehr and I decided to “suit up” one Friday evening and observe the reactions of our fellow peers.  Now this is partially homage to Barney, a quick witted, well dressed, and undeniable ladies man off of the popular CBS television show “How I met your Mother.”  We also decided it was just a brilliant idea in general. 

So to not appear as complete “tools” we decided an appropriate back-story was a must.   We toyed with the ideas of a funeral, wedding, etc. Eventually after some refinement the waters parted, the heavens shown bright, revealing to us the perfect scenario.   As we made our way out this lovely evening we were bombarded much quicker than expected with the foreseen question, “why are you guys so dressed up?”  To which we responded with veiled smiles and a dash of arrogance, “our friend just had a wedding rehearsal in Indianapolis, and we just got back.”  We held true to this deception throughout the evening with only a few mistakes by Nick telling the inquirers we had come from a reception rather than a rehearsal.  With a smile and a quick pat on the head, they quickly forgot any discontinuity between the stories.

To sum up our first post we would both like to make it very clear that we do not advocate nor embrace lying.  We simply wished to heartedly express our opinion surrounding the undeniable fact that bending the truth is both necessary and amusing in certain situations.  If accomplished with great poise and skill no party is hurt, or feels affronted.

A little Extra

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