We all know how much of an impact Facebook has had on our society. Somewhere around 85% of college students alone are using this social network device. In fact it has made the owner, another Harvard dropout, one of the richest people in the world. This is really quite astonishing as I think people mainly get on Facebook for two reasons. They are either on to take-up time while they are bored or waiting, or they are using it as a means to keep in touch with current friendships or build new ones. Once you have logged on let’s face it, you are either looking at photos or reading statuses of your friends. After you have been using Facebook for awhile I’m sure you have noticed a very humorous pattern. Almost all of us fall into this pattern. Once you have finished reading this post you can decide into which category you most closely fall.
"The Quoters"
This is the person who is constantly providing insightful, uplifting, or inspiring quotes. They always have something positive to say and rarely switch up updating about anything else. They may be quoting a famous philosopher, celebrity, or the good Lord himself. These people really don’t bother us at all and often cause us to think for a moment about what is actually being posted. Perhaps these people, these “quoters,” should be commended. Whichever it may be I am sure you have seen these people all over the “book.”
"The Lyricist"
This person is probably just as common if not more common as the Quoters. These are the individuals who are always putting up catchy portions of songs. Usually after a new song comes out people across the world have posted it many times throughout the first week, thusly soon killing that song and ruining it for the rest of us. On this note if I see one more person’s status read, “I could really use a wish right now,” or ‘rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky,” I’m going to kill someone. These are both very catchy songs and the first one features one of my favorite rappers in Eminem; this however cannot stop me from being bothered by these statuses. Sometimes these people even mix it up by posting some lyricist they created themselves. Unfortunately rarely can people tell that it is original until they have to ask, either way bravo.
"Woe is me"
This category is probably one of my favorites. I have to admit at times I have even been known to partake myself. I do not condone these statuses however, nor will I ever. The people who fall into this category are the ones who feel it is their necessity to post every conceivable misfortune or turn of bad luck which falls their way. Look, no one cares your cat died, or you dropped your apple at lunch. We all know you are looking for something I like to call “pity comments.” I get it, you’re having a bad day, you’re tired, or sick. Congratulations, you are in the exact same predicament as probable 20 or 30 million other people. Just because they are posting it as well does not make it right. One of my all time favorites are when people post the status reading something along the lines of “ OMG, I am so exhausted today, I can’t even believe it.” Let me ask right now, who out there is not constantly exhausted? We all have busy and tedious days. A very small proportion of us get the recommended eight hours of sleep. *(I am not making fun of those of you who post this way, I just find it ironic. Like I said previously, I myself have used this one as well from time to time. I am not special or unique either.) A subset of this category are the people who constantly complain about work and the misery which ensues. Again, you are not unique, almost everyone works and very few people are truly happy with their jobs. Especially in college, you are not meant to be happy with your job; it’s supposed to simply provide you with funds to help you get by. Quit complaining and be grateful you have a job at all. If you hate it that much you can always quit, and then you can post about not having any money at all. Also come your friends come to dread flu season, because should you get it, their pages will be spammed to the max with how terrible you feel, how you could really use a bowl of soup, and your going to miss so much because you are ill.
"The Wedding Planner"
These individuals are very interesting. Through reading their statuses you basically get an idea of what their entire day is going to be like, from the day they wake up until they head back to bed. An example may read something like this, from the writings of a young female. “Shower, breakfast, 1st class at ten, lunch, classes 2-4, break. After break going on a run with the bestie, showering again, dinner at panda express, then studying, and finally bed… long day aheaadddd!” They literally map their day out for you, letting you know what exactly they are doing hour by hour. At times they may switch up the pattern and go for the full five day week schedule in which they document noteworthy events extending from Monday through Friday.
“The Politician”
These are the folks that no matter the election cycle, share their politic opinions or general government thoughts. “Can’t wait for the government to come bail me out”, etc. Now like most categories I fall into this sometimes. Facebook creates an easy source to try and compel people to think about the political process without directly having to confront or get in someone’s face about it. However most people are already decided which makes these posts just very annoying especially when you are of the opposite party or philosophy. These statuses normally are of the negative tone as well, never sharing the positives of the process, such as their ability to vote.
"The Observer"
This individual posts perhaps any random thought or seemingly clever detail they might have observed. The observation do not even need to be particularly insightful, “The buses are always running late”. I definitely fit into this category. It’s too easy to believe our observations express some unique subculture that no one else has been able to figure out. While at times they probably see a new prospective many of the observations lead others to just wonder why. Perhaps the observer is more fishing for comments rather than adding some unbelievable truth. Usually these observations are just blatantly obvious and really no one really cares. Contrary to this fact these statuses are some of the most popular and will often yield a very high amount of comments or “likes.” If nothing else they cause us to briefly put ourselves into this person’s shoes and momentarily wonder, “hmmmm… I wonder why the buses are running late today.”
"The Reposter"
This person as the name suggests reposts any discovery some one else they know has found. This might be the largest category because every now and again we all do this. The repost could range from an interesting article to the Antoine Dodson video, run and tell that home boy. Personally this might be my favorite of the status updates because it actually provides an activity to do, unless you have seen a similar post five minutes ago. This pattern is usually even more successful if you can provide some kind of link to take the reader directly to this great find of “yours.” The Reposter often tries to differentiate themselves to make it appear however that they were the true originators of this magnificent discovery. Either way most already know this but are happy to be given the chance to procrastinate just a little longer.
"The Sportscaster"
In the past this is certainly one status I have been known for and often ridiculed over. These are the people who are not only obsessed with sports but also obsessed with talking about statistics or other interesting tidbits of knowledge (at least I think so anyway). These people will constantly be talking about “their” team and letting you know just how well, or poor they are currently doing. They will most likely reach that level of extreme annoyance at a very quick pace, much as I have in the past. Perhaps we feel like we are trying out for ESPN or some other sports station, or maybe we honestly think other people care. Other people who enjoy sports may become intrigued upon reading these statuses but the most likely outcome is just the opposite for the general public of facebook. This pattern in our area is extremely common for Indianapolis Colts and Chicago Bears fans as we lie two hours from Chicago and a mere one hour from downtown Indianapolis. I must pat myself somewhat on the back however as I have become a lot better at this over the last few months, finally realizing no one really cares how many sacks so and so has on my Eagles team. I haven’t completely stopped my pattern but I am taking the correct steps to quell this problem of mine. Then agian if you really do get that annoyed I guess this is why there is a "hide" feature for certian profiles.
"Goal Oriented"
My current status style falls under this category for sure. The goal orientated facebook user will usually make his status something that evokes a lot of comments or “likes.” It may be something controversial, or informative, or outright hilarious. Whatever it may be the general idea is to post something that lots of other people care about enough to basically have a conversation on your wall about it. Jus the other day I listed several sequels set to hit the movie theatres in 2011 and was amazed at the 24 comments I received within a couple hours. I was amazed and very satisfied because I was able to meet my goal. Obviously more people other than me care about movies and thusly the goal was met. My basic mindset is, lots of people are going to see this on their news feed, and I may as well try and make it interesting for them at the very least.
(Whatever status categories you may fall under, we are not making fun of you, simply making an observation. Keep doing whatever it is you do.)
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