Only a brief intro is needed as our title is fairly explanatory. This is our follow up edition to Awkward Situations, Part I. We have not repeated any of our material from the first part and hope you enjoy this second portion where we delve deep into awkwardness and all things awkward. More to follow this week as well so be sure and check back!
“The Wave”
We have all been there. It’s awkward every single time and the worse thing about it is you cannot even avoid the situation if you wanted to do so. I’m talking about that instance where you are walking down the street and a pretty girl, waves in your direction. Usually you don’t even think about who the person is, you just wave, and not just a lazy wave, no, I am talking about a full on, arm outstretched, reaching high for the sky wave. We are committed to this wave and determined to see it through to the end. As this happens an extremely obvious look of dismay crosses her face, right on the border of disgust. An equally confused look crosses our faces and our brains are temporarily halted as we try to fathom what is happening. Then it dawns on us…slowly but surely we realize what’s up. We turn around and realize we were not who the girl was waving at. She does not even know we exist and was staring right through us. Her attention is fixed on someone behind or near us and this person was the recipient of the wave. Of course at this point we do the 360 and scan any crowds of people who may be near, just to see who could have seen us be rejected. It is at this point in our day where we carry on, slightly dejected, and a little depressed at our failure to receive the wave.
“Umm…You have a little something there…”
The invention of the Kleenex ranks right up there with the automobile, light bulb, television and internet. All have allowed our civilization to advance. No really, think about it. Would you ever respect or listen to someone who constantly had shit in their nose? I wouldn’t either. Some people out there (possible some of those reading this) need to invest in a few boxes of this gift to mankind. I use the term “invest” extremely loosely as a box costs about .75 cents. Nothing is more awkward than trying to carry on a conversation with someone with all kinds of mayhem happening in the nostril region. It is distracting, odd, and discouraging, all wrapped up into a nice convenient sized package of awkwardness. I mean, do you tell them they have a situation, do you try and ignore it, or do you just stare at the scene before you with a blank look covering your face? These are tough questions for any man or woman to answer. Either way, when this happens it is never enjoyable or looked upon favorably. Many other inventions and tools have been devised over the ages to combat this problem, although most do not know it. Mirrors, spoons, toasters, (really anything shiny in which you can see yourself) Kleenex, paper towels, toilet paper, your finger (last resort) can all be used to avoid having shit in your nose when you are talking to someone. WWJD? Yes I just incorporated a “What would Jesus Do” into this blog post. I will tell you what he would do. He would blow his damn nose. Just remember….Kleenex 4 life.
“Moist”
The next issue has to do with bathrooms. Now I could go on and on about bathroom situations and the peculiarities which exist within (mainly due to other people being so damn weird). The issue I want to touch on is very specific. We have all been there too, which makes this so perfect to write about. I am talking about when you go to wash your hands and for some reason the water pressure is like 1000X what it should be thus spraying water all over your pants. For some reason the water always seems to congregate on your crotch, as if to say “screw you.” You now look like you have pissed your pants. You have just entered a state of awkwardness known to many but enjoyed by few. There is always that friend too, who will quickly point at your crotch, laugh, and make some joke at your expense. Of course this new moistness (hahaha, I know a lot of people cringe at the word “moist”) won’t dry anytime soon and you will be forced to face the outside world in your current state. For the next hour or perhaps even longer your mind is bogged down with the thought of how you look and the consumption of hope. Hope however, won’t make your pants dry any sooner or hide you from your shame. Most people are wise enough to realize it is the spray from the sink but still, you know people are also pondering the idea in the back of their mind that you may have urinated on yourself. Even worse is you can’t walk past every person and explain to them what happened. You can only pray and hope they do not notice and keep walking toward whatever destination they currently seek. Eventually you will leave this state of awkwardness and your mind will be bothered by other thoughts, other than those concerned with “I wonder if people think I pissed myself?”
"Elevators"
Next time you are in an elevator with another person, you should be able to taste the awkwardness. If you do not think this is awkward come find me. If I’m not helping out at the nursing home or tutoring the blind I will meet up with you, and then I will smack you because you are wrong. It is very awkward. A very short post but does there really need to be any more written about this subject?
