Awkward Situations

Ahh the awkward situations of life, something we can all relate to.  If we are lucky we only experience them a couple of times a week, if not month.  Sometimes for people such as Nick and me these events seem to happen a little bit more frequently than we would like.  Our situations which we feel you can all relate to are below.

The pretty girl

                Literally, and I do mean literally if I had a dime for every time I have walked past a pretty girl, one-on-one in a hallway and we both look awkwardly at our phones, I could  treat myself to a coffee every single day for a month with those saved dimes.  It happens so often and usually it happens the same way every single time.  Now I ask you, what are the coincidences that at just the exact time I am walking by you are receiving a text message.  I know on my part I often pull out my phone to disguise the awkwardness and to pretend I have some pressing matter to attend to.  I have to assume from the female’s perspective it is the same.  I mean coming from me, if you are good looking I may want to take another look, but this looks odd, so does looking at the ground, so pray tell, where am I supposed to look?   The few times I have tried other methods such as smiling I am usually met with blank stares.  I mean a smile is just a smile.  It is a way of saying hello or good morning without actually opening your mouth.  For some reason when I try this it is as if every female assumes I have an ulterior motive.  I’m not trying to hit on you.  You will know when I am hitting on you when you hear me ask you” how much does a polar bear weigh?”  I would tell you the ending but let’s just save that for another time.

The classroom

                Being in college every now and again you go to class. Well it seems that quite often people forgot where and when the class is taking place. During the middle of one my lectures a gentleman rushes in twenty minutes late. He apologizes to the professor as he enters and immediately takes a seat. As he is searching and rooting around in this backpack, he catches a few lines consisting of “the partial derivative will be propagated through the normal stress…” The gentleman looks up and you can instantly see the change from relief to panic as he realizes he is not in the correct class. He then gets up and rushes out. Luckily this has never occurred for me, either way both parties experience the awkwardness of having some one interrupt the flow or being the subject of such forgetfulness.

Toilet paper on the shoes

                Now this has never personally happened to me due to one simple reason; I am not an idiot.  All you have to do to prevent this situation is from occurring is to look at your damn shoes before you leave the restroom.  It is that simple, but for some reason I have seen this quite a few times in my life.  It is very awkward for all involved because if you do not know the person you are probably not going to alert them to their misfortune (at least I’m not).  I can recall back during my sophomore year of college after a football game I was in taco bell with a couple of my friends.  As I looked back scanning the long line which had formed, something caught my eye.  A teenage female had a long piece of toilet paper hanging on for dear life to the sole of her shoe.  As I looked more closely I realized her left shoe also beheld another prize of precious teepee.  I literally couldn’t believe what I had seen.  She had toilet paper on both of her shoes yet did not have the wherewithal to notice this feat herself.  I immediately started laughing (obviously) and alerted my two friends to the scene before us.  Now I must admit, this was rather mean of me but I mean if I ever walk out and have toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe I hope you will laugh at me as well, as I will have deserved it.

Women

                While this could be very general and applied to almost every interaction I have with this species, I will limit it to one instance.  I was at a party with a lady I was very much into, along with some of my friends.   So we are hanging out and talking pretty much all evening. I begin thinking things are well and she must find me semi intriguing at the very least.   As the night is resolving I feel I have pretty successfully demonstrated my quality. She is leaving and one of our friends offers to drive us each back home.   We both get in the back seat next to each with our friends.  Due to this predicament the lady is sort of crammed in the uncomfortable middle seat so she decides to rest her feet up upon my thighs being the gentleman that I am. We continue talking and I am the first person dropped off. I maneuver myself out of the vehicle say good night and walk on in. Inside me and my roommates strike up a conversation about what may just have occurred. They convince me that I should text her at this exact moment (2:02 am) about perhaps grabbing a meal later this evening.  Upon texting I received no immediate response, so I went to bed. Wake up the next morning still nothing; go about my business the rest of the day and its starting to get to the middle of the afternoon still no response. As you probably guessed, never did get a response. And I have talked quite often with her since then but never bring up that fact that after what I presumed was an enjoyable evening she did not even want to acknowledge that I asked her to dinner. I have of course moved on, however the first few weeks after felt very awkward as I am sure you can imagine when talking or hanging out with her. 

Staring

 At an early age you constantly hear from your mother, to stop staring. At a certain point in time you quit hearing it though, and yet the act still persists. Whether it is looking at weird fellows or the fine looking ladies, we all stare. Getting caught can be an awkward situation. So you begin developing techniques to still get the glimpses without the consequences, phrases such as pretend like your staring into the sun illustrate the thoughts on how it should be done. Often times the consequences are unavoidable.

I must delve deep into my memory to recall a very fond memory of mine from high school involving staring, and the very consequences we just mentioned.  I believe it was either sophomore or junior year and I was in some kind of biology class.  There was a certain female who I was quite fond of and she composes the majority of this short story.  She walked up to the front of the room to pick up a graded assignment and as she was walking away I noticed something quite hilarious.  I noticed the teacher, yes the male teacher, staring at her butt all the way until she had returned to her seat.  Now that in itself is not really that funny.   As he was staring at her butt I was staring at him watching his every move because I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing.  She sat down and he discontinued his staring.  He turned his eyes away from her and for some reason he looked directly at me.  At this moment we both knew what had just happened.  I saw a very small but obvious look cross his eyes almost to say “shit, you just saw me do that?”  A smirk crossed my face as I had just witnessed something that I will never forget simply for the fact that I can’t forget the look in his eyes when he realized I saw him stare at a student’s butt.   Often we are not fortunate enough to be the one observing the staring.  More times than not we are the ones caught in the act by the opposite sex.  I mean what can we say, the good Lord has blessed you females with many an attribute, sometimes we just have to take a longer look that what is usually the norm.  This is where the height of awkwardness occurs when we realize we have been caught in the act.  Please do not be upset with us, we are just admiring your physical traits.  We can’t admire your other traits until we get a chance to talk to you.

It's All Good

Are you ever walking down the street and overhear two people talking?  Sure you have, who hasn’t?  Going along with this I am sure you have heard phrases or sayings which cause a confused look to cross your face. Usually these are all saying we use but if we would take the time to think about them, we probably wouldn’t.  Phrases are already finished expressions. They allow the user to provide some thought without necessarily having to think. Now in most cases this practice is more than acceptable and serves as a framework around which actual conversation can build. These are the phrases that through time have been used too much and have too little meaning for their continuation.  Phrases like “it is what it is,” or “no offense.”  Phrases that really don’t make much sense and are just used as fillers in conversation.  For this week’s issue we wanted to take a closer look at some of these very same phrases.  We wanted to break them down and perhaps have you think about them in a whole new light.  Surely you will still continue to use them (as will we) but at least you cannot say we didn’t try.  So read further, think outside the box (another one which should be deleted) and have a good laugh at some of the things people say to each other in everyday conversation.  We are omitting a conclusion form this post simply for the pure fact that “it is what it is!”

“No Offense” 

This is something we have all heard before and use ourselves.  I could go on and on about why this is an absolutely moronic statement.  I’ll try and keep my thoughts to a minimum however in order to somewhat save the reader.  “No offense,” is just a way to insult someone and get away with it.  “John, no offense dude, but your sister is kind of a whore.”  Now, since you used this saying John is absolutely not allowed to be angry with you.  You threw the disclaimer in there in order to insult the sexual frequency of John’s younger sister.  But alas, all is fine since you were able to brandish this great and very useful phrase.  I’m just going to come out and say that anyone who is sitting there having this phrase used on them and not taking offense, well I  am sorry but you are just plain stupid.  Now I do not think any of you reader would fall into this category.  You are obviously intelligent as you have made a great decision in continuing to follow our blog (and we thank you for that).  Now I must admit at times I have been known to use this phrase myself.  I don’t pretend to condone it or to use it often, but at times if I want to insult someone it can be a useful means to an end.  I guess we use it because the recipient never realizes they are in fact being insulted directly to their face.  It is supposed to be a professional or respectful way of telling someone off without hurting their feelings (refer to John above).  I think all of that nonsense should be thrown to the wayside and people just need to realize what this saying truly means.  Just know next time you use this phrase on me, I am indeed going to take offense.

“There are plenty of fish in the sea”

This saying is commonly used in order to console a friend or loved one after they have just discontinued a relationship, been dumped, cheated on, etc.  When I took time to really think about this phrase it made me laugh as I realized it really is just another pointless thing we say to each other in order to fill in the conversation.  I’m going to put myself in the shoes of someone who has heard this before. If I am just getting out of a relationship I can guarantee you this is one of the last things I want to hear from you.  I am well aware there are about three billion women on the planet. I do not need you telling me how many women there are.  I mean out of the total women on the planet there are probably 30% I am not attracted to, 30% who are not attracted to me (low balling this estimate here for my own ego’s sake) 15% who are already taken, 5% who prefer women over men, and another 15% who are geographically isolated from me.  This really only leave 5% of all available women who may be interested in settling down with me.  Thank you for reminding me of my loneliness and misfortune.  You are an ass and not a friend.  Really those so called “fish” in the sea are very limited and often out of reach.  You have now done the opposite of consoling me and have simply caused me to be extremely sad.

-Note (No real or research based statistics were used in compiling this data)

           “Lets do this”

Sorry but no. I would prefer to stay at home now and do absolutely nothing. I feel this phrase is partially derived from Nike’s slogan just do it, either way let Nike continue to do it and let this undo itself. Let’s do this is not necessarily as awful as some of the others; however it ranks quite high on cliché factor. It just seems to impue of the typical college or road trip movies, like animal house. The phrase is a rallying cry shouted at the top of the lungs, and yet there seems to be a slight hesitation in wanting to do this or why the need for all the bolstering and “showgraphy” to convince all of us to commit this action.

                                                        "umm, and the "likes"

 This one is like the plague, once it has started it just trails on behind for the rest of the conversation. The use of umm and like is not even a conscious phrase it is a pure filler nonsensical noise. In speech or English classes these “blurps” are seen as abominations and there mere use can lead to the docking of points. Well in the real world there is no point system to dock people, thus these phrases are allowed to continue to be uttered often machine gun like destroying the essence of the information the person is trying to convey. Because if you use these enough, your creditability often takes a hit and people begin to concentrate more on the words you are using than what the sentences you are saying mean. A study was done that if these two phrases when used as fillers were eliminated from speech, noise pollution would drop by 50% globally and greenhouse gas emissions by 15% (Wikipedia.globalnoise_study.com). 

                                                                              “That’s fire”

This is used to describe something cool, awesome, exciting.  This phrase seems to have been used far less than the others we have mentioned.  This is precisely how it should be.  This fact pleases me very much.  This phrase needs to die, and quickly.  I have heard it used throughout the ‘twitter world” by some athletes and have even been unfortunate enough to hear it person from time to time.  Every time I hear this I want to cringe and hide in a corner.  I was once dating a girl a couple years ago who would use this phrase in conversation as well as in text messages.  It may sound odd but every time she used it, it was a huge turn-off.  I couldn’t help but focus on anything other than how utterly stupid and ridiculous it sounds.  I think ultimately not too many people have heard of this phrase because it is not spreading. It is not spreading because it’s a stupid saying.

“It’s all good/It could be worse”

What, really. No it is not all good. In fact, if you are saying this it is probably the opposite. While this phrase is said to relieve anxiety or worry, it doesn’t seem to have the greatest of effects. The person is just reminded that whatever it is, is being mishandled or there would be no use in expressing the goodness of what’s going on. Also if things are square, prefect, all good most people are aware enough to realize this fact. So add a little depth and vocabulary, and perhaps say how everything is alright. It could be worse is the other hand of its all good. It implies negativity to the situation that really does not contain the level of compassion or empathy the orator might think that it does. Few are comforted by the thought that there is a worse situation, because often they already know it. Obviously there are worse situations, I could lose my physical abilities like walking or talking, I could lose my cognizant ability. So of course things could be worse, perhaps what you meant to say was that this is a difficult and/or terrible situation and I am there for you. If you can cause reassurance and support, this is much greater than empty and “unthought” phrase, but it could be worse, they could be trying to kill you.

“It is what it is”

The history of this phrase traces back to the origins of the early mathmetician like newton.  They would use it when they were deriving complex equations and discovered that in fact it equals it, and thus it is what it is.  But in all seriousness we cannot stand this phrase.  What the hell is “it?”  Why would it not be what it is, and why are you telling me it is what it is, because if it is what it is, shouldn’t I already know what it is? These are questions we must ask ourselves when entertaining the notion of using this phrase.  We will leave you with those final questions to answer on your own time.

"The Panel"

In this second part we are going to reveal the answers submitted to us from "The Panel" surrounding the questions posted last week.  We hope these answers can help you out or provide some insight into the types of things women are really looking for in a guy.  Read all of the responses or just a few but at least take a look.  We think you will have learned something new if you take the time to read their responses. Thank you to all of the wonderful women who helped us by repling to our questions. We greatly appreciate all of your help!  Listed below are the questions that were answered by "The Panel."

1.) List your turn-ons about a guy
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
4.) Favorite Cologne?
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
7.) Favorite quality in a guy
8.) Things a guy should never say
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in (you can be brief)

Girl #1 

1.)Turn-ons=polite, sense of humor
2.) Turn-offs=lazy-has no drive or aspirations for life
3.) eyes
4.) abercrombie
5.) the next day and yeah, no stalker. If a girl doesn't txt back don't keep texting. But if a conversation is going via txt then that's fine.
6.) cowboy boots- I have a friend that tucks them into his jeans and looks ridiculous
7.) being a good friend to me
8.) A guy should never say anything disrespectful.
9.) Bad Boy on the outside to everyone else, but a softie on the inside.
10.) if you act awkward I will only put you in even more awkward situations.

Girl #2

1.)Turn-ons=cockiness
2.)Turn-offs= laziness
3.) hairstyle, eye color, height
4.) abercrombie
5.) wait until the next day but keep it casual, dont send me 50 texts a day (unless Im repsonding with long answers) and dont be super cheesy like "hey cutie"
6.) mandals
7.) sense of humor
8.) "yeah you do look a little chubbier.." "You’re going to eat all that?!"
9.) bad boy
10.) always be confident. if you act awkward, it will be awkward

Girl #3

1.) Turn-ons=confident, great personality, sense of humor, smile, eyes
2.) Turn-offs=cocky, arrogant, loud, don't care about hygiene
3.) his eyes, his smile
4.) Nautica Blue
5.) not like right away, but not days... probably like a 6 hours or so, maybe even a day if you're not too sure if she's into you
6.) popped collars, jean shorts, cutoffs (unless it's exercising)
7.) the ability to make me laugh
8.) anything regarding weight or height
9.) nice guy
10.) I'd tell him to first introduce himself, get her number, then maybe invite her for a coffee date, or some light date like that to get to know her first, then proceed with real dates.

Girl #4

1.) Turn-ons: handsome but still humble, intelligent, independent, genuine, a great sense of humor (I love a guy who can really make me laugh and flirt back with witty comments!), respectful, well liked by others, a gentlemen, a leader with big dreams and goals in life that are going somewhere.
2.) Turn-offs: cocky and thinks they can get any girl because of their looks, flirts with every girl they meet, rude, a player, a smoker, drinks all the time, does drugs, bad personal hygiene, immature, inconsiderate, dumb, disliked by others, holds no standards or real goals in life.
3.) good looking, when you can tell they are a genuinely good person by their actions, nice to everyone, everyone likes them in return, if they genuinely show interest in ONLY you and not every girl they come in contact with.
4.) Don't really have one but cologne is definitely an important factor!!! Please wear it. We love it :)
5.) Depends on the situation but wait at least a couple hours or a day because if not then you come across needy and desperate but definitely don't wait more than that or else you come across as not caring at all and you'll lose whatever chance you had to begin with. But in some cases if you really hit it off then it's really flattering to get a text right away saying something that will put a smile on our face but still keep us interested and guessing at the end of the night that will make us want to find out more about you.
6.) speedo's (only sometimes if it's a joke), overalls,
7.) His heart. I love to be with a guy who is an amazing person inside and out that makes me proud to say I'm his girlfriend because that’s the kind of guy who I would want to be my boyfriend, role model, and best friend.
8.) Please don't cuss like it's your job. I absolutely hate a guy who thinks cussing is going to make me or anyone else more attracted to him. Also, bad idea to say that another girl is hot. She'll automatically feel like she has to compete with every girl that's pretty and might lose self-confidence which leads to jealously instead of feeling confident that she's the only girl he wants to be with which would make her trust more thus leading to a better relationship.
9.) NICE GUY! I'd SOO much rather date a guy that everyone loves (including myself) than a guy that my family and friends hate because if everyone else likes them there is obviously a reason they do. BUT I do have to say I wouldn't want to date a guy who is too nice that he can't be a man in the relationship and make me feel safe and cared about.
10.) I would tell him to approach her with confidence (but not cocky) and be himself. Start a conversation with her by asking questions and actually genuinely LISTENING and if he knows he's going to see her again I would tell him to be the one to say he has to go but that he's counting on seeing her again so that it shows he is interested but is not going to stick around forever and creep her out by not leaving. Keep her wanting more but never ignore her and act like you're too good to make the first move. That's still the guys job :)

Girl #5

1.) Turn Ons: Musicians. Someone with a sense of humor and a quick wit. I love when a guy playfully bickers or makes fun of me. Someone who is independent and confident. I am really attracted when I know a guy could take of me. I like a guy who is rugged, kind of a man's man (Think Brawny Paper Towel Man or the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, or Luke from Gilmore Girls).
2.) Turn offs: A guy who is too closed minded. Someone who lets their own insecurities or prejudices shut them from hearing out other people's opinions. I know we all judge, but I hate when someone judges others simply because it's what they've been taught to do so. They don't know any better.
I'm turned off by a guy who has to remind me of how good he is at baseball, guitar, giving advice...etc. It's great to have confidence in yourself, but there is a fine line between cocky and confident.
Guys who are too cool to smile, dance, make fun of themselves, or do something silly.
3.) Catches my eye: It may sound shallow, but there has to be attraction. A good smile is all it really takes.
A person's appearance says a lot too. I like to take note of things such as if a guy is wearing a t-shirt from a band I like, or reading a book I've read before.
You can catch my eye by making it obvious that I've caught yours.
4.) Favorite Cologne: Just don't smell like a hobo... soap and water works just fine. And if you're going to wear it, spray it in the air once, two times tops, and walk through the mist. Don't swim in it before hand.
5.) If I gave you my number, it's for you to utilize, so use it. If you don't want to seem too obvious, text me something that's not so obvious. "Hey, what chapters did we need to read for class?" "Hey, I saw Miley Cyrus is on Letterman tonight, I remember you like her so I figured I'd let you know."
*Side Note- If you ever text me about Miley Cyrus, there's a good chance things won't get very far
If you're going to ask me out, call. Man up, because if I say yes, you're going to have to talk to me for real anyways.
6.) Clothing that does not suit your personality. Don't dress just to try to impress someone. Girls know if you're putting on an act. Don’t wear a Shins t-shirt if you don’t know who the Shins are. Chances are someone’s going to call you out for it. Or like the guys who wear yacht clothing but live in Midwest Indiana (Aka frat boys from Purdue). It was funny at first or at an “I’m on a boat party”, but otherwise, you look like geographically challenged goons. Let’s see you point me starboard side.
A quick rundown: A wife beater as your shirt, pants that lay obviously way below where your butt actually is, a spray tan, guy-liner (unless you’re part of the Cure), and I hate shirts with actual people on them, but that's just me.
7.) Someone who is just genuinely trying to be a good person.
8.) Just don't tell me what to do or how to think. You can argue against my opinion, but you have to respect it. OH and please don’t blame PMS-ing for my less than pleasant mood.
9.) I think all girls need to date a few bad boys just to get it out of our system or something. Everyone needs a broken heart or two. You learn that way. I’ve always heard the saying “You date the bad boy and marry the nice one.” A bad boy to some may be the good guy to others. Anyone can have the bad boy persona, but a girl is going to end up with the one who truly cares about her and wants to anything to avoid breaking her.
10.) Lots of girls are attracted to shy guys. You can still remain shy and talk to a girl. Use that quality for you instead of against you.

Girl #6 

1.)   funny, honest, loyal, nice teeth, takes care of themselves physically (they don't have to be like..super buff or anything, but being healthy is a good thing), eyes, gets a long with my family and friends, knows how to handle kids, protective, kindness, career goals and life goals, initiating dates and being creative with them, can cook, is at least willing to try new things, personally, i like tattoos.
2.) Bad breath, cocky, rude, don't get along with my friends and family, a "player," if they fist pump in all seriousness, even once ...bye, spend more time in the mirror than a girl, bad body odor, has more hair products than a girl, lying, texting all the time when he's with you, being a flirt when he is dating someone, don't communicate, dirty, a guy trying too hard to get with a girl, immaturity, lazy, no job ambitions.
3.) A guys demeanor, his smile, what he is wearing are things that first catch my eye when i see him.
4.) Anything but abercrombie or hollister..YUCK!!!. I really like colognes that aren't an overwhelming scent (like the two listed above). My favorite would have to be Ed Hardy Cologne from The Buckle.
5.) Waiting until the next day is usually a good idea. If you are going to text right away, a guy should go about it in a funny way or something to avoid looking like a creeper. Waiting a day or two at the most, if he waits longer then he'll seem uninterested and the text will come across as desperate or creepy.
6.) i think flip flops are fine, as long as they look masculine. NEVER WEAR CAPRIS!!!!! Don't wear socks with flip flops or socks that stick out above your shoes when they have shorts on, shorts that are too short (running shorts...ew) Ed Hardy Shirts (the cologne is fine), huge diamond earrings,
7.) Can hold a conversation and isn't afraid to say how they feel about something.
8.) NEVER say the C word..EVER. A corny pick up line when they first meet a girl (They can be funny if you know the guy well), never call a girl stupid, dumb, a slut or an idiot. And honestly, a guy who just sits and compliments you all the freaking time is kind of a turn off...it’s just kind of like...wow, trying WAY too hard.
9.) 70% nice 30% bad. Having a slight mix of both is nice. Someone that you can introduce to your family, but also has a little edge.
10.) I would just tell him to start off with small steps like, talking to her in class, or if they have mutual friends, talk to her when they are all together, then ask for the number in a non-desperate kind of way (EX: if you they are at a bar with mutual friends, and they are separating for a while, but plan to get back together later that night, get her number by telling her that you'll text her when he gets to the place they plan on meeting back up at), and then start w/ texting and make your way into making phone calls, and once he feels comfortable, ask her out to coffee (something small) and then dinner if that goes well.

Girl #7

1.) List your turn-ons about a guy
*sense of humor, smells good, nice smile, knows what he wants from life, good with kids, good with my family, into sports both playing and watching
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
*bad breath, making fun of me too much...it’s funny to a point and then it gets old, being immature, not making an effort to be friends with my friends, bad dancing, interrupting me when I am trying to talk
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
*his smile and his hair. greasy mops aren't cool.
4.) Favorite Cologne?
*don't have one although my favorite scent is old spice of any variety. I love that stuff like it’s my job and I’m getting' paid. I smell that on a guy and it’s like heaven.
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
* wait until the next day definitely. I have had guys text right away. That comes off as creepy cause you are trying to catch me and see if I gave the wrong number. I have also had guys text me at the end of the evening. That’s just too soon. text me the next day and tell me you enjoyed meeting me the night before.
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
*crocs, earrings, too much hair gel...if any at all. use pomade if you want to add a little style but gel is kind of 90s lol, also, don’t unbutton your shirt enough for your chest hair to pop out. no girl finds that attractive. it comes off as creepy pedo. Also...we know guys find the mustache thing hilarious but it’s a quick way to not get any girls.
7.) Favorite quality in a guy
*sense of humor and ability to make me laugh :)
8.) Things a guy should never say
*don't comment on the way a girl looks unless its positive. no girl needs to hear "didn’t you wear that last week" haha.
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
nice guy. nice guy all the way.
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in (you can be brief)
-act confident. girls love confident guys. if we've never met you before, we don't know what you're all about so if you come off as confident it will get a girls interest. just make sure you don’t mix confidence up with arrogance or cockiness.

Girl #8

1.) Turn-ons=Humor, Eye Color, Beards, Short Hair, Confidence in himself
2.) Turn-offs=Weight, Body Odor, Greasy face, hair, anything greasy, hermits
3.) way he's dressed, eye color, scent
4.) Vurt
5.) -

6.) Seriously don't wear sweat pants and gym shorts to the club or to a bar, if we dress nice have the decency to put some jeans and a collared shirts on.
7.) Eyes
8.) You look like you've gained a couple pounds, are you pregnant?
9.) Nice Guy
10.) start a conversation about school or work then ask for their number. It's really not as hard as they make it seem. If they like you they'll give it to you, if not who cares?

Girl #9

1.)   List your turn-ons about a guy
defined arms, physically being big and tall, intelligence, wittiness, gentlemen-like qualities, confidence
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
skinny guys, stupidity/ignorance, not having an opinion
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
eyes, smile, shoes he is wearing, physical size of the person ("bigness")
4.) Favorite Cologne?
don't have one, don't like when a guy wears too much, if it smells more than my perfume, there is a problem
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
maybe not right away, but within a few hours and say something witty, then end the conversation till the next day or so. leave her thinking about you right before she goes to sleep.
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
pink (for the most part), skinny jeans
7.) Favorite quality in a guy
sense of humor/ability to make me laugh
8.) Things a guy should never say
always be honest, but never outright mean....being mean in a lighthearted way is okay
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
Bad boy that is really a nice guy! Confidence.
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in (you can be brief)
Put yourself out there and you may be surprised. Normally, a girl is not going to chase a shy guy, so man up and confront the situation if you really want the girl. Don't make assumptions, you'll most likely be wrong.

Girl #10

1.)    List your turn-ons about a guy
-spirituality
-sense of humor
-great smile
-isn't too serious about life
-adventurous and knows how to have fun
-facial hair: the "haven't shaved in a couple days" look.
-good hygiene...if I can smell you as I walk by...NO.
-good with kids
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
- guys that wear shirts with the sleeves cut off
- bad manners
- publically humiliating girls
- public intoxication
- smoking
- excessive cursing
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
-smile
-eyes
-hair
4.) Favorite Cologne?
- AXE body spray...I forget which specific scent though. Most
colognes are a little too strong for my liking. ;P
So, if you use cologne, don't spray a ton on!
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away,
and if we wait, how long?
-Text right away, but don't be a creeper. If you're interested in
getting my phone #, use it!
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
I really don't know... it depends on the guy.
7.) Favorite quality in a guy
-Sensitivity and sense of humor
8.) Things a guy should never say
- "You're fat."...or anything that has to do with a woman's physical appearance
- I'd prefer guys not brag about how drunk they got the previous night
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
-A nice guy who can stand up for himself and his girl
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is
interested in (you can be brief)
- Just do it. (like the Nike commercial. ha!) If you don't ask her
out, then you're never going to know!

Girl #11

1.)   List your turn-ons about a guy: Nice smile, smells super good, can carry on a good conversation, takes interest in what you are doing in your life, cares for your and his family, takes pride in his appearance, musical, shows how much he cares about you and tells his friends, good sense of humor, enjoys being active and having down time, athletic
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy: Bad teeth, bad breath, does not take pride in the future, self-centered, clingy, does not take interest in what is going on around him, tries to overpower other people in a room, overly loud, not committed, cannot make up his mind, inconsistent
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him? Eyes, smile, dress, way he carries himself, interacting with others when you see him
4.) Favorite Cologne? Lacoste
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long? Wait one day if we have just met :)
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any): Bulky sweaters, ripped t-shirts where there is barely any t-shirt left, socks with sandals
7.) Favorite quality in a guy? Makes me laugh
8.) Things a guy should never say? You look tired...
9.) Bad boy or nice guy? Nice guy please :)
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in? First, ask if he knows the girl from somewhere. If so, tell him to strike up conversation about their commonality. If he does not know her, simply go up and say hello and ask how she is. If she does not ask "how are you back" she is not interested. If she does then the shy person can start a little bit more of a conversation... where are you from, etc... Again, if she does not seem interested and keeps looking away, back off (It gets creepy). If she seems interested, go on with a normal conversation :)

Girl #12

1.) Confidence, height :-), dreams and goals in life, dresses fairly well...not necessarily 'suited up' constantly...but not looking like a homeless person haha, knowing what you want and not afraid to go after it. this one may sound like I’m a bitch but it’s a huge deal to me - your friends and how you act around your friends. a guy can put on an amazing front...but the types of people that he is friends with says a lot. The ability to make me laugh and make me not worry about things are two huge turn ons...I'm the biggest emotional person you have ever met and it’s nice to have someone put you in your place when its needed.
Knowing your beliefs and sticking to them no matter what - not being afraid to express your beliefs.
2) Cockiness!!!!  Not having goals in life and having no direction. Trying to be 'cool/tough' when he first meets you.
3) height :-) if he is with friends, how he is acting around his friends. a smile :-)
4) Dolce & Gabbana
5) Wait maybe a day? It just depends on how the initial meeting is going/went. You should easily be able to get a feel for that quickly.
6) Socks with sandals!! Denim shorts. I think these are pretty known 'no no's' though, right?
7) Humor :-) and strong beliefs.
8) ........
9) NICE
10) Be Confident!!! Be yourself!!! 

Girl #13

1)    Turn-ons – If they are funny and be able to make me laugh, intelligence (they don’t have to be a genius, but they need to at least sound intelligent when they talk), they need to be nice to me, my friends and my family, they have to have some kind of style, athletic (doesn’t matter what sports they play or played, just as long as they have some athletic ability)
2) Turn-offs – if a guy is cocky, or an exaggerator, or if he lies – those irritate me the most.
3) Things that catch my eye – if the guys dresses well and is put together style-wise, and if he has really nice eyes and a nice smile
4) Favorite cologne - Armani
5) Wait or text right away? – I would wait at least until the next day, especially if you met him while you were both out drinking. If he texts you when he is still out at the bars or a party, you don’t know his true intentions or how he really acts since he is more than likely drunk. So I would say texting the next day is a good idea, but I wouldn’t say for a guy to wait more than 2 or 3 days to text a girl.
6) Things guys should never wear – socks with sandals and shorts is a BIG no.
7) Favorite quality in a guy – his personality (he is nice and can make me laugh)
8) Things a guy should never say – never ever call you names that he might call his friends, even if he is joking. You are his girlfriend and he should treat you with more respect
9) Bad boy or nice guy? – Nice guy
10) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in – Don’t be nervous! I know if may be hard, but the girl will see that. Try to make her laugh and just be nice – at least this way her will feel comfortable talking to you and actually want to. If a guy comes up to me and he is stuck on himself or just plain blunt about stuff, I will more than likely just walk away. There is a huge difference between being confident and just flat out cocky. Stay away from the cockiness.

Girl #14

1.) Turn ons would be someone who can make not only me but my friends laugh. A good KISSER is a big turn on!!
2.) Turn offs would be someone who talks about themselves all the time. No confidence is a big turn off.
3.) Good Teeth if you don’t have good teeth I probably won’t talk to you. Big Brown Eyes!
4.) Natural good smelling guy is the best. Colognes can give me a headache.
5.) This is tough question there is always a three day rule that i think sucks ass. I think if we give you our number and we are in the same bar send a cute text (don't be creepy) just something sweet like "You look awesome tonight!" give us time to respond. Then maybe text or call the following day. Letting us know you didn't forget us that night can really turn a girl on.
6.) Baggy pants!! GET A BELT
7.) Someone who takes care of themselves. Appearance and in life. Have goals and take showers please!!
8.) That your right all the time. Let us think we got you sometimes.
9.) What's that saying "a nice girl in the streets but a freak in the sheets" yea same goes for me except for a man.
10.) Grow some don't you know every woman loves a mystery!! Shy boys are sexy they make a girl want to find more out.

Girl #15

1.)   List your turn-ons about a guy
Humor, confidence, leader, passionate (about anything, family to sports, but love it even when people don’t agree or think you are weird), genuine. Guys who know how to hold conversations and actively listen. Guys who can get along with lots of different types of people, aka if you meet my parents I want to be able to leave the room and not worry about you being awkward. Willing to say sorry.
Best trait a guy can have is knowing how to read women though. Most girls’ answers to these questions would drastically change if they were in a different dating relationship. Meaning guys need to understand that most girls are not very consistent, so knowing when to be sensitive and when joke around is really important.
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
Guys who try too hard to be manly and can’t laugh at themselves. Ignorance. Guys who think they know it all. Laziness.
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
Physically I am attracted to red heads, dreads (if they have the hair to pull it off), good backs/shoulders, strong jaw, good teeth, and pretty eyes.
4.) Favorite Cologne?
I don’t have a specific brand, but I think guys should wear something. Also, taking the time to find a unique scent can make a girl remember you just from a smell. Do not wear too much and do not wear it 24/7. Hint: count how many sprays you use the very first time you use a new cologne. Remember this number and don’t do more, just because you are use to the smell doesn’t mean girls can’t get sick of it.
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
I would say sooner rather than later. It should be friendly, and not hint that you think of her as more than a friend. Best would be when you actually have something to say, like you saw something that made you think of her, or you were wondering about a hw assignment.
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any).
I am personally not a fan of jean shorts, plaid pants, vests, and tank tops of any kind. I do think though that if I guy has confidence, he can pull any outfit off. Also, given the right occasion, silly outfits that might not be “manly” can show your humor and confidence.
7.) Favorite quality in a guy
Passionate.
8.) Things a guy should never say
I have heard my boyfriend and his friends say everything that I think shouldn’t be said. So, I don’t know.
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
Nice guy.
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in (you can be brief)
Try to think of her a girl who you are really comfortable with. Ask questions. Nicely make fun of her.

Girl #16

1.) Being thoughtful, nice arms, eye contact, confidence, a guy who can treat me as an equal but stands up for his opinions and doesn't always just give into what I want, wittiness
2.) Ignorance, selfishness, bad hygiene
3.) It sounds cliche, but his smile and eyes. I also notice what his style is. I would never completely count someone out by what they're wearing, but I definitely look at his style to get a feel for how he likes to express himself.
4.) I don't think I have a favorite. Truly depends on the guy, but as long as it's not put on too strong, I think it can work.
5.) Wait until the next day.
6.) Studded belts (like the punk style belt), jean shorts, tall white socks with white tennis shoes (90's style).
7.) Creativity
8.) "Are you acting like this because you're on your period?"
9.) Tough question. Nice guy.
10.) Girls usually always appreciate when a guy is straightforward and makes the effort to tell her how he feels. It's better to try and have it not work than to be left wondering. Start off with just saying hi and asking (genuinely) how she is (girls like it when guys are considerate and actually care about how they are). Then be honest and simply tell them there is something about her and you'd love to get to know her better. Being straightforward is the best policy.



From the Ground Up

A million different words could be used to describe a relationship.  Words such as tricky, complicated, fun, necessary, exciting, these can all describe relationships.   Relationships are all of these things and so much more. Before you begin to contemplate the extensiveness of a relationship we must first learn how to approach a lady.  This in itself can be nearly impossible at times. Usually females tend to flock to each other in public places.  This subtle tactic makes it very hard for us as guys to approach them, especially alone.  And it is often with disastrous consequences to do so, please see zebra taken down by pack of lioness. Often the things we say and do can have a huge impact on their first impression of us.  This is perhaps the most difficult of steps to succeed in, especially when it comes to trying to meet absolute strangers. You have to toy with that first line or phrase.   Is it fun, amusing, sentimental or just a casual observation? No one thing works on every lady, so there must be constant renovation. Now at this point we could share our semi successful lines, but let’s be honest, having a positive first impression, conversation, and interaction can be the difference between exchanging goodbyes and exchanging numbers (hopefully leading to a relationship down the road.)  Part of the initial impression is the art of engagement. While we, ie the male gender, would love for women to immediately understand that the act of us going up and talking to them without knowing an atom about them clearly indicates some level of wanting to know something more about them.   

As I write this, my brain is shifting to critical thinking and I begin to think that women do know this quite clearly. They obviously appraise the situation or male who has put himself up for the slaughter and decide whether he is worth it. The next phase would be to engage further, with flirting and casual details about yourself. I would say despite my previous belief this might be the toughest, you already passed the initial tests but the lady can easily veto the situation and you are done. I can’t speak anymore about this phase because the variables are just too many. I will say this, in the end if or when you get the “number” it does not mean as much as it used to. Cell phones allow screening and texts are ignored unless you unwisely persist to crazy “creeper” levels.   No communication rendered back to you usually means what was thought to be a pleasant conversation and interaction, clearly was not mutual. So you wonder why you got the number in the first place, well people are nice and generally after the first contact will not completely humiliate you to your face. Does that help you at all, initially no, but like all great strategists you must learn from mistakes and weaknesses to conquer.  Nick brings up a very valid point as I myself have gotten numbers before and then when i try and initiate contact I am completely shut down.  Listen, if you are not interested in me, it is simple, DO NOT give me your number (Especially when I never even asked for it! yeah that has happend also).  I'm not going to head for the corner and cry.  I will take the hint and continue my pursuits elsewhere. 

Having the guts to approach the opposite sex usually leads to the wish of going on a date with them (ideally).  After all, isn’t the point of dating to go to the next step, to be interested in getting to know someone further because you sense potential within them?  By taking that extra step you are demonstrating you are fully committed to her.  Speaking personally I have never been in a relationship longer than a year and a half. During that time there were some very rough patches. On the other side I still carry a lot of fond memories which I shall never forget.  I don’t pretend to know the secrets to a successful relationship. I will definitely agree that I don’t know the secrets either, but I will pretend as though I do. And perhaps one of the issues is that we think there are secrets to a successful relationship. It could really just be the everyday commonplace activities that provide the stability necessary to cultivate an environment from which the seed of relationship might grow, and hopefully not the seed, which forms new life, at least not in the beginning. Then again with nearly 1/3 of marriages today ending with divorce, perhaps no one really knows the secrets. 

Before you can get to a relationship you have to get a date. Before you get a date you have to actually go up to “her” and make an impression.  Now once again I’m no expert on what types of things girls look for in a guy.  What catches their eye?  What are their turn-ons? Do they have a nice pair of shoes on?  When we walk into a room, what are they noticing or looking for?  Obviously I would like to think I am an expert but truthfully no, not really.  Is anyone? Maybe the date doctor from the movie “Hitch.”  For the rest of us non-date doctors I felt we could all use some help and guidance.  I usually try to use humor and my smile (not saying either one of those works) to garner her attention and let her know, “hey this place is filled with women, but right now I’m interested in only you.”  I try to keep well groomed, in shape, try to not curse too much around people I don’t know.  I would say I follow a similar suit, however at times my joking can be a bit too cavalier.  These types of things have usually been my guiding stars.  Like the song I would definitely use a wish right now if it meant gaining further insight on how to present and represent myself effectively. Now whether or these ideas of mine have been working all these years is debatable.  I can usually break the ice and get a number, but after that it usually doesn’t go on too much further.  Sometimes this is my decision, and other times it is her decision.  Perhaps trust issues are involved, poor decision making on my part, or perhaps I just don’t know what they are truly looking for.  This is exactly where I think the “Panel” can help not only Nick and myself out, but all single, ready to mingle men.  And without being to presumptuous I would say other ladies might gain a glimmer of introspective knowledge on themselves through “The Panel”.  The “Panel” is a group of 20 very beautiful, very smart and interesting women that Nick and I have the pleasure of knowing.  They come from different walks of life, attend different universities, live in different cities and states.  They have different interests in men.  All of their likes and dislikes however can still give us an understanding of what they are interested in.  We decided to ask them each ten questions about men and see if they could shed some insight into one of the most compelling questions of our time; “what are women really thinking?” Because unlike the Mel Gibson move, we can’t yet read your mind, we make assumptions based on the perceived data at hand. If we take a look at their answers I believe we can better understand how to act, the things they are interested in and basically have a better idea of how to get the door open.  Opening the door refers to making the first move, being confident and introducing ourselves.  Once that goes smoothly it is up to us to take it from there, to learn what they are interested in, studying, dislikes, etc.  We have decided to post the Panel’s answers to our questions on the next issue.  The answers will be published on Oct. 18.  I assure you their answers are all something we want, need, and must see in order to better understand women.  If you are not interested in better understanding women, that is fine.  Check out the next post anyways!  Thanks for your time!  Good Luck!

Now if you are thinking I could care less what others think on these questions, I would encourage you both male and female (obviously tailing the questions to your gender of interest) to try and answer these questions. Perhaps take time to answer these questions yourself might gain a better idea of yourself and how you are coming across as a human being.   I myself have glanced at many of the answers and I can honestly admit I have learned quite a few new tidbits that could be useful in the future.  Thank you to all the women who helped answers our questions and shed some light on this issue.

(Print in regular font is Alex's, italicized font is Nick's writing)

The ten questions submitted to the “Panel.”

1.) List your turn-ons about a guy
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
4.) Favorite Cologne?
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
7.) Favorite quality in a guy?
8.) Things a guy should never say?
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in?

Selective Maturity

Maturity is a quality society today stresses and must be met, there is no margin for immaturity. Immaturity however should not be a trait never displayed, it holds a sense of free will and unbridled passion that a “mature” person must not appear to possess. We submit to realizing there are moments similar to a see-saw when maturity must be going up, but gravity should always be there to bring you back to the level surface of immaturity.

Just this week during one of my classes we had an admiral for the US Navy come speak with us. Now if you don’t know, an admiral is kind of a big deal, so needless to say we were trying to put on our best faces. Well, true to college and student’s general lack of caring at times, several bunches of people chose to talk.  They were fairly quiet, however they still were speaking during the Admiral's presentation. This should have been a time when maturity is on the rise, not just because of social convention, but also because of the commitment this man has made and the honor and respect that he should be commanding.

If you spend any time with Nick or me you can clearly tell who the mature one is (at least on the surface).  It is usually not me and I doubt too many people will argue with this fact.  (One such argument may in fact be when I yelled "thanks" up to a female who happened to have her window blinds open after having just taken a shower. Now some back story for the viewers at home. Me and the crew were just walking back to the apartment after having hit up the ATM.  As we were nearly back to our destination there is an apartment that is right on the corner as you cross the street.   As we were crossing we happened to look up at the bright light which unfortuantely for her revealed a window completely uncovered.) My close friends will recall I have often toyed with the idea of writing a book titled “Mature…and why I’m not.”  This basically explains my entire personality.  On this last sentence I must elaborate further.  I strongly believe there are times and places to be mature. I believe I have mastered the common sense taken to know the proper times to turn the mature switch on.  During my brief year and a half stint in Army ROTC I was often ridiculed and scolded for always making jokes, goofing around etc.  When it came time to have the cadets I was responsible for ready to go, have their equipment, and be in the right place, I never failed.  I took every single physical fitness test with the utmost seriousness, never wanting to let anyone beat me. In the ROTC lifestyle I chose quite often to be immature and make people laugh.  When it was time to get things done, I got things done. 

I have basically two passions in life, one of which is making people laugh.  This is hard to do if you are mature all the time. I am 21 years of age and nearly 22. I have the next 70+ years to be mature (God willing).  Why hassle with the effort now. My current lifestyle has never stopped me from acquiring a job, making friends or having fun.  Why then would I stop?  I probably won’t stop, at least for a few more years. I think we should all enjoy these years before we leave fantasy land (college) and head into the real world.  With that being said, I would like to include a brief story that will perhaps sum up the outlook I have as a young male adult.

The Tale of Two Water Balloons.

This tale comes from recent past.  Proudly, and also a bit sadly I will admit I was fairly old at the time of this event. My lifelong friends and I from Fort Wayne (greatest city in the world) were bored one night so we decided to head to Applebees for dinner.  It was here we further decided to stop at Wal-Mart and purchase a couple hundred water balloons and a launcher.  We stopped back at my house and quickly started filling the balloons up.  We soon were done with the faucet and we loaded up in my friend’s minivan.  We debated for a few minutes as what to do with the balloons before arriving at our conclusion.  We decided, after a hint of brillance, we would drive on the back roads and throw the balloons at Amish.  Now it is here I must halt the story for awhile and defend our situation.  We weren’t racing past the Amish driving sixty, we slowed down to their pace so as to not inflict any real harm on these unsuspecting people.  I know a lot of you readers are probably a little taken back by this and may even think we are vile and cruel.  I can assure you had you been with us that night you have never laughed so hard in your life.  For some reason driving by doing 10 mph sliding open both doors and chucking water balloons is one of the funniest experiences I have ever had the pleasure of enjoying.  I’m not sure why this is, can’t really be explained.  It is true nonetheless.  Something about our methods, and the vehicle we were in(old minivan, nearly 2000,000 miles, no inside lights, etc..) just made everything come together into one great night of comedy. I think everyone who was with me can agree to that.  We were not trying to inflict any harm on anyone or cause an accident (looking back it was probably very lucky no accidents were caused).  We were just bored looking to have a good time, admittedly it was at the expense of someone else.  For that perhaps we should feel a little bad or regretful….  I will not say I regret what happened, but rather perhaps it should not be repeated.

Most my life is generally lived in the highest of the maturity standards, thus to pick out a story of maturity would just be pummeling an unconscious fighter. So perhaps I can regal you with the immaturity Dehr brings out of me. Every now and again we have a suit up night to the bars. Wearing suits on most occasions is an indication of maturity, job interview, funeral, date. However these nights the suit is almost a bond-like cover, because in fact the immaturity is really headlining this event. We run around, prance if you will, yell, nearly get into fights, and somehow get the most ridiculous songs played in the bars to which we can sing to.   At times a lewd comment may be uttered and yet the whole while the suits are on display. This confuses many to no end, however if I might interject this is but a juxtapose on life and the immaturity which we find behind our suits in order that we might satisfy cultural or societal standards or thoughts.  By putting on our suits we are trying to exemplify maturity on an outside scale, but in fact it is merely a means for us to get away with our outlandish and extravagant actions.

The key for us as young adults is to find this balance between maturity and immaturity.  Knowing when you can laugh and when you just need to sit still, pay attention and render the utmost respect are essentials in life.  Whether you are listening to an Admiral, a pastor in church, or whether you are out gallivanting for the night it only takes a small amount of common sense to realize whether maturity or immaturity should be held higher.