Awkward Situations

Ahh the awkward situations of life, something we can all relate to.  If we are lucky we only experience them a couple of times a week, if not month.  Sometimes for people such as Nick and me these events seem to happen a little bit more frequently than we would like.  Our situations which we feel you can all relate to are below.

The pretty girl

                Literally, and I do mean literally if I had a dime for every time I have walked past a pretty girl, one-on-one in a hallway and we both look awkwardly at our phones, I could  treat myself to a coffee every single day for a month with those saved dimes.  It happens so often and usually it happens the same way every single time.  Now I ask you, what are the coincidences that at just the exact time I am walking by you are receiving a text message.  I know on my part I often pull out my phone to disguise the awkwardness and to pretend I have some pressing matter to attend to.  I have to assume from the female’s perspective it is the same.  I mean coming from me, if you are good looking I may want to take another look, but this looks odd, so does looking at the ground, so pray tell, where am I supposed to look?   The few times I have tried other methods such as smiling I am usually met with blank stares.  I mean a smile is just a smile.  It is a way of saying hello or good morning without actually opening your mouth.  For some reason when I try this it is as if every female assumes I have an ulterior motive.  I’m not trying to hit on you.  You will know when I am hitting on you when you hear me ask you” how much does a polar bear weigh?”  I would tell you the ending but let’s just save that for another time.

The classroom

                Being in college every now and again you go to class. Well it seems that quite often people forgot where and when the class is taking place. During the middle of one my lectures a gentleman rushes in twenty minutes late. He apologizes to the professor as he enters and immediately takes a seat. As he is searching and rooting around in this backpack, he catches a few lines consisting of “the partial derivative will be propagated through the normal stress…” The gentleman looks up and you can instantly see the change from relief to panic as he realizes he is not in the correct class. He then gets up and rushes out. Luckily this has never occurred for me, either way both parties experience the awkwardness of having some one interrupt the flow or being the subject of such forgetfulness.

Toilet paper on the shoes

                Now this has never personally happened to me due to one simple reason; I am not an idiot.  All you have to do to prevent this situation is from occurring is to look at your damn shoes before you leave the restroom.  It is that simple, but for some reason I have seen this quite a few times in my life.  It is very awkward for all involved because if you do not know the person you are probably not going to alert them to their misfortune (at least I’m not).  I can recall back during my sophomore year of college after a football game I was in taco bell with a couple of my friends.  As I looked back scanning the long line which had formed, something caught my eye.  A teenage female had a long piece of toilet paper hanging on for dear life to the sole of her shoe.  As I looked more closely I realized her left shoe also beheld another prize of precious teepee.  I literally couldn’t believe what I had seen.  She had toilet paper on both of her shoes yet did not have the wherewithal to notice this feat herself.  I immediately started laughing (obviously) and alerted my two friends to the scene before us.  Now I must admit, this was rather mean of me but I mean if I ever walk out and have toilet paper on the bottom of my shoe I hope you will laugh at me as well, as I will have deserved it.

Women

                While this could be very general and applied to almost every interaction I have with this species, I will limit it to one instance.  I was at a party with a lady I was very much into, along with some of my friends.   So we are hanging out and talking pretty much all evening. I begin thinking things are well and she must find me semi intriguing at the very least.   As the night is resolving I feel I have pretty successfully demonstrated my quality. She is leaving and one of our friends offers to drive us each back home.   We both get in the back seat next to each with our friends.  Due to this predicament the lady is sort of crammed in the uncomfortable middle seat so she decides to rest her feet up upon my thighs being the gentleman that I am. We continue talking and I am the first person dropped off. I maneuver myself out of the vehicle say good night and walk on in. Inside me and my roommates strike up a conversation about what may just have occurred. They convince me that I should text her at this exact moment (2:02 am) about perhaps grabbing a meal later this evening.  Upon texting I received no immediate response, so I went to bed. Wake up the next morning still nothing; go about my business the rest of the day and its starting to get to the middle of the afternoon still no response. As you probably guessed, never did get a response. And I have talked quite often with her since then but never bring up that fact that after what I presumed was an enjoyable evening she did not even want to acknowledge that I asked her to dinner. I have of course moved on, however the first few weeks after felt very awkward as I am sure you can imagine when talking or hanging out with her. 

Staring

 At an early age you constantly hear from your mother, to stop staring. At a certain point in time you quit hearing it though, and yet the act still persists. Whether it is looking at weird fellows or the fine looking ladies, we all stare. Getting caught can be an awkward situation. So you begin developing techniques to still get the glimpses without the consequences, phrases such as pretend like your staring into the sun illustrate the thoughts on how it should be done. Often times the consequences are unavoidable.

I must delve deep into my memory to recall a very fond memory of mine from high school involving staring, and the very consequences we just mentioned.  I believe it was either sophomore or junior year and I was in some kind of biology class.  There was a certain female who I was quite fond of and she composes the majority of this short story.  She walked up to the front of the room to pick up a graded assignment and as she was walking away I noticed something quite hilarious.  I noticed the teacher, yes the male teacher, staring at her butt all the way until she had returned to her seat.  Now that in itself is not really that funny.   As he was staring at her butt I was staring at him watching his every move because I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing.  She sat down and he discontinued his staring.  He turned his eyes away from her and for some reason he looked directly at me.  At this moment we both knew what had just happened.  I saw a very small but obvious look cross his eyes almost to say “shit, you just saw me do that?”  A smirk crossed my face as I had just witnessed something that I will never forget simply for the fact that I can’t forget the look in his eyes when he realized I saw him stare at a student’s butt.   Often we are not fortunate enough to be the one observing the staring.  More times than not we are the ones caught in the act by the opposite sex.  I mean what can we say, the good Lord has blessed you females with many an attribute, sometimes we just have to take a longer look that what is usually the norm.  This is where the height of awkwardness occurs when we realize we have been caught in the act.  Please do not be upset with us, we are just admiring your physical traits.  We can’t admire your other traits until we get a chance to talk to you.