From the Ground Up

A million different words could be used to describe a relationship.  Words such as tricky, complicated, fun, necessary, exciting, these can all describe relationships.   Relationships are all of these things and so much more. Before you begin to contemplate the extensiveness of a relationship we must first learn how to approach a lady.  This in itself can be nearly impossible at times. Usually females tend to flock to each other in public places.  This subtle tactic makes it very hard for us as guys to approach them, especially alone.  And it is often with disastrous consequences to do so, please see zebra taken down by pack of lioness. Often the things we say and do can have a huge impact on their first impression of us.  This is perhaps the most difficult of steps to succeed in, especially when it comes to trying to meet absolute strangers. You have to toy with that first line or phrase.   Is it fun, amusing, sentimental or just a casual observation? No one thing works on every lady, so there must be constant renovation. Now at this point we could share our semi successful lines, but let’s be honest, having a positive first impression, conversation, and interaction can be the difference between exchanging goodbyes and exchanging numbers (hopefully leading to a relationship down the road.)  Part of the initial impression is the art of engagement. While we, ie the male gender, would love for women to immediately understand that the act of us going up and talking to them without knowing an atom about them clearly indicates some level of wanting to know something more about them.   

As I write this, my brain is shifting to critical thinking and I begin to think that women do know this quite clearly. They obviously appraise the situation or male who has put himself up for the slaughter and decide whether he is worth it. The next phase would be to engage further, with flirting and casual details about yourself. I would say despite my previous belief this might be the toughest, you already passed the initial tests but the lady can easily veto the situation and you are done. I can’t speak anymore about this phase because the variables are just too many. I will say this, in the end if or when you get the “number” it does not mean as much as it used to. Cell phones allow screening and texts are ignored unless you unwisely persist to crazy “creeper” levels.   No communication rendered back to you usually means what was thought to be a pleasant conversation and interaction, clearly was not mutual. So you wonder why you got the number in the first place, well people are nice and generally after the first contact will not completely humiliate you to your face. Does that help you at all, initially no, but like all great strategists you must learn from mistakes and weaknesses to conquer.  Nick brings up a very valid point as I myself have gotten numbers before and then when i try and initiate contact I am completely shut down.  Listen, if you are not interested in me, it is simple, DO NOT give me your number (Especially when I never even asked for it! yeah that has happend also).  I'm not going to head for the corner and cry.  I will take the hint and continue my pursuits elsewhere. 

Having the guts to approach the opposite sex usually leads to the wish of going on a date with them (ideally).  After all, isn’t the point of dating to go to the next step, to be interested in getting to know someone further because you sense potential within them?  By taking that extra step you are demonstrating you are fully committed to her.  Speaking personally I have never been in a relationship longer than a year and a half. During that time there were some very rough patches. On the other side I still carry a lot of fond memories which I shall never forget.  I don’t pretend to know the secrets to a successful relationship. I will definitely agree that I don’t know the secrets either, but I will pretend as though I do. And perhaps one of the issues is that we think there are secrets to a successful relationship. It could really just be the everyday commonplace activities that provide the stability necessary to cultivate an environment from which the seed of relationship might grow, and hopefully not the seed, which forms new life, at least not in the beginning. Then again with nearly 1/3 of marriages today ending with divorce, perhaps no one really knows the secrets. 

Before you can get to a relationship you have to get a date. Before you get a date you have to actually go up to “her” and make an impression.  Now once again I’m no expert on what types of things girls look for in a guy.  What catches their eye?  What are their turn-ons? Do they have a nice pair of shoes on?  When we walk into a room, what are they noticing or looking for?  Obviously I would like to think I am an expert but truthfully no, not really.  Is anyone? Maybe the date doctor from the movie “Hitch.”  For the rest of us non-date doctors I felt we could all use some help and guidance.  I usually try to use humor and my smile (not saying either one of those works) to garner her attention and let her know, “hey this place is filled with women, but right now I’m interested in only you.”  I try to keep well groomed, in shape, try to not curse too much around people I don’t know.  I would say I follow a similar suit, however at times my joking can be a bit too cavalier.  These types of things have usually been my guiding stars.  Like the song I would definitely use a wish right now if it meant gaining further insight on how to present and represent myself effectively. Now whether or these ideas of mine have been working all these years is debatable.  I can usually break the ice and get a number, but after that it usually doesn’t go on too much further.  Sometimes this is my decision, and other times it is her decision.  Perhaps trust issues are involved, poor decision making on my part, or perhaps I just don’t know what they are truly looking for.  This is exactly where I think the “Panel” can help not only Nick and myself out, but all single, ready to mingle men.  And without being to presumptuous I would say other ladies might gain a glimmer of introspective knowledge on themselves through “The Panel”.  The “Panel” is a group of 20 very beautiful, very smart and interesting women that Nick and I have the pleasure of knowing.  They come from different walks of life, attend different universities, live in different cities and states.  They have different interests in men.  All of their likes and dislikes however can still give us an understanding of what they are interested in.  We decided to ask them each ten questions about men and see if they could shed some insight into one of the most compelling questions of our time; “what are women really thinking?” Because unlike the Mel Gibson move, we can’t yet read your mind, we make assumptions based on the perceived data at hand. If we take a look at their answers I believe we can better understand how to act, the things they are interested in and basically have a better idea of how to get the door open.  Opening the door refers to making the first move, being confident and introducing ourselves.  Once that goes smoothly it is up to us to take it from there, to learn what they are interested in, studying, dislikes, etc.  We have decided to post the Panel’s answers to our questions on the next issue.  The answers will be published on Oct. 18.  I assure you their answers are all something we want, need, and must see in order to better understand women.  If you are not interested in better understanding women, that is fine.  Check out the next post anyways!  Thanks for your time!  Good Luck!

Now if you are thinking I could care less what others think on these questions, I would encourage you both male and female (obviously tailing the questions to your gender of interest) to try and answer these questions. Perhaps take time to answer these questions yourself might gain a better idea of yourself and how you are coming across as a human being.   I myself have glanced at many of the answers and I can honestly admit I have learned quite a few new tidbits that could be useful in the future.  Thank you to all the women who helped answers our questions and shed some light on this issue.

(Print in regular font is Alex's, italicized font is Nick's writing)

The ten questions submitted to the “Panel.”

1.) List your turn-ons about a guy
2.) List your turn-offs about a guy
3.) Things that catch your eye about a guy when you see him?
4.) Favorite Cologne?
5.) When we first get your phone # should we wait or text right away, and if we wait, how long?
6.) Things guys should never wear (if any)
7.) Favorite quality in a guy?
8.) Things a guy should never say?
9.) Bad boy or nice guy?
10.) What would you tell a shy guy to help him approach a girl he is interested in?